I’ve been eating these carrots all summer, but the burnt oranges, rusts and ambers of these golden vegetables seem so autumnal to me.

It rained today. Paul made a fire in the living room. I cooked meatloaf, mashed potatoes and maple glazed carrots for dinner. We have three kids left at home, which is more than most people have to begin with, yet the house seems so empty to me.

Eva is home. Her flight landed in San Francisco last night at 9:00pm. The entire family including my ex-husband, his partner, my current husband, and all of the kids drove up to meet her. It was really a very heartwarming, charming, blended family moment.

Jared, Eva’s dad, and Keith, his partner, decided to drive up early to have dinner in the city. Sophia called me to tell me she wanted to go with them and invited Cheryl and Mark. Now that in and of itself is noteworthy because Jared has always been so kind and generous with my stepkids. He’s like their uncle, which I guess is the best way to describe his relationship to them. Paul and I drove up separately and waited patiently in baggage claim at the foot of the escalator. We joked. We laughed. We waited with bursting excitement and anticipation. We couldn’t wait to see Eva.

And there she was. Excited to see us too and smiling sheepishly at the large entourage waiting to greet her. It was a warm welcome for sure. Cheryl noticed her first and rushed to give her a big hug and then Eva warmly embraced her other two siblings, high fiving her “bro” Mark. It was very sweet.

We collected her luggage, got her a drink at Starbucks and drove home to meet up at the Santa Cruz Diner so Eva could have an American hamburger.  We heard all about her amazing trip. The “genie” pants she bought at the Arabian flea market, the delicious ice cream, the paella, the bullfight, the churros, her lovely host family and all of the new friends she made.

She came home bearing gifts. Mine was an azucar bowl. Doesn’t it match my kitchen counters beautifully? I love it. I’m so happy she’s home and thrilled she had such a great time. She really embraced the culture and for that I am very thankful and proud of her.

Eva was supposed to have returned home today, but her flight was cancelled due to technical difficulties. She had already said goodbye to all of her friends and her program directors, boarded the plane and was snoozing when the captain announced the flight was cancelled and the passengers were to deplane, get their luggage and return to the gate to get a shuttle to take them to a hotel where they would spend the night. That’s right, my 15-year-old daughter was unchaperoned in a foreign city. Yippee!! At least that’s what she thought. It was about 10:30 this morning when I found out. I got this message from her below, which I have copied and pasted verbatim from Facebook.

Eva: mom this is important!

okay so my flight was cancelled because there was something wrong with the engine. so continentel made everybody get their luggage and we took a shuttle to a really nice hotel in madrid near the airport. ´They are paying for our one night stay and a buffet dinner. I know you are probably freaking out right now but everything is going to be okay. do not come and pick me up at the airport today!!! i wont be there.

i need to make sure you get this in case i cant find a pay phone but currently i am writing to you on one of the hotels computers. tomorrow i am going to wake up at 7 and the shuttle will drive everyone to the airport for a 9 o clock flight to newark. and i think my san francisco flight will stay the same

i will need to check my bag again and basically do the same process but that is okay because i did it today and im not worried

just know im not sobbing or nervous and what you need to do is pick me up at the airport tomorrow. just one more day in madrid hah. and there are other people from a different study abroad group that i became friends with that were also on the flight

i will have to just call yopu when i get to newark with sophias phone but this hotel is like 5 star! it has a game room and i have a double bed. i met a really nice man who helped me with my luggage and there is a group called lPI that i hung out with once and one of the guys is here too. im going to eat a big buffet dinner then watch spanish sponge bob.love you

i have my passport. my door locks automatically. by nice guy i ment nice guy not creepy pedophile. i know self defense im fine.one of guys from LPI. its like sol abroad and we hung out in granada.

ps. im awesome

This was Eva’s end of the exchange. My interspersed comments were something to the effect of, “What do you mean ‘nice guy’ helped you with your luggage?” And, “Where’s your passport? Don’t lose that again.”

I managed to get the name of her hotel and called her. She answered, “Hola.” We talked for about 45 minutes. I asked her to tell me in one word how she would describe her trip. Her response, “Amazing.”

What I found remarkable was how self-assured and confident Eva was that she could handle the situation. Earlier I had phoned her Sol Abroad program director to see if she could help, but she was already en route back to Granada. Eva was literally alone. There was no one there to help her. She had to figure out on her own what to do. At 15. She is, indeed, awesome.

Eva is coming home from Spain tomorrow. Everyone is so excited. I feel like she has been gone forever and her absence has been palpable. For one, there’s been a lot less laundry, food consumption, household activity and quite frankly I’ve never seen her room so clean! (We are taking bets to see how long it will take her to mess it up. I say 10, Mark says 5.)

We are all driving up to San Francisco to pick her up from the airport tomorrow evening. However, there was some concern that she would have to delay her returning flight because last week her father and I received the dreaded international phone call… “Eva’s passport has been stolen.” My heart stopped. How? Where? What happened? It turns out she and her friends wanted to take a dip in the river and left their bags on the river bank and looked away for a split second, and poof, her bag was stolen. (Note to self, do not carry passport with you.)

I told Eva through her tears that is was an unfortunate life lesson and we are just so grateful that she is safe. Her father wired her more money and I extend major kudos to Sol Abroad for reacting quickly and handling the passport replacement process. Eva got a new one in three days.

As I write this, my daughter is en route for her journey home. She is on an overnight bus ride from Granada to Madrid. From there she will catch her flight to Newark, NJ and then connect to San Francisco which is 1.5 hours from our house. That means she will be traveling for over 30 hours when she gets home tomorrow evening. (I hope she has some Justin Bieber movies to watch.)

I was able to IM her on Facebook this morning and she told me she was sad to be leaving. She made so many friends that she is afraid she will never see again. I told her, “Ya never know. You just might cross paths with them someday, particularly the ones who live in California.” Eva also told me she feels very “cultural,” she loved her host family and she’s really taaaaaan.  At the risk of sounding “mom like” I told her  that she had a life changing experience and that I was so proud of her.

It was life changing for me too because I know when Eva comes home I will see a different child, one who is more mature, confident and self-assured, with apparently, a really great tan. I asked Eva if she got taller and she replied,”I’m pretty sure I’m done growing.” And I thought to myself, “Yeah maybe, but only on the outside.”

While Eva has been in Spain this past month, Sophia and Cheryl have been spending a lot of time together. Sophia is a very generous, doting big sister to Cheryl. She takes her to the movies, and the pool, but generally, they spend a lot of time just hanging out and talking. I took this photo last week when I came home from work and found them lounging in the back yard hammock. Sophia is on the left playing on her iPhone and Cheryl is on the right, reading a book. So cute. A memorable moment for sure.

Last week, on the first official day of summer vacation I promised the girls I would take them to the mall in San Jose (a 40 minute drive from our house and a big event) and Eva was lurking around in the kitchen, leaning up against the wall wearing a long face. She had been this way pretty much all morning. So I asked her, (with my late mother channeling through me) “Are you going to mope all day?” She responded, sulkily, “What do you call moping?”

Well now there’s a question. So I wondered, “How exactly does one define the term, “moping.” So I looked it up and here’s what I found. The definition of moping is, “taking up time and space by wearing a bored, blank stare that annoys your mother and makes her crazy.”

OK. I made that one up. Here’s dictionary.com’s defintion. Let’s see how close I am.

verb, moped, mop·ing, noun

1.to be sunk in dejection or listless apathy; sulk; brood.

So I wasn’t that far off except there was no mention of the causes or reasons for said moping. School is out. Summer is here. I’m taking you shopping. You are going to Spain for a month. What is wrong with you?

It is a conundrum every parent of teens faces. Why are our children unhappy when they have everything in the world to be exctited and grateful for? Who knows?

Eva perked up later and I never did get to the bottom of her brooding. Perhaps it was anxiety leading up to her pending separation. I’ll never know. And you know what? Sometimes it’s best that way because the opposite is the child who tells you everything (while whining). I have one of those too.

Eva's plane as it taxies away from the gate on its way to Newark, NJ and then to Madrid, Spain.

Eva left on Friday for a month long Spanish immersion program in Spain. She flew alone from San Francisco to Newark, NJ to Madrid, Spain. Did I mention she went alone? She turned 15, yesterday, the day she arrived in Madrid.

Her father and I had made the decision sereral months ago to send her to Spain this summer because of her increasing love of the culture and language. She has expressed an interest in spending a year abroad her junior year of highschool as a foreign exchange student. We thought a summer month long visit would give her an excellent taste of what to expect in order for her to decide if this is something she really wants and is ready for.

Jared, her dad, Sophia and Cheryl and I took her to the airport on Friday. There were lots of tears. I think I did pretty well considering my extreme anxiety leading up to the big departure. Only Jared and I could take Eva to the gate, so Sophia and Cheryl had to make their tearful goodbyes at security. (Harried travelors have no sympathy for weepy teenagers who are in their way.)

Once at the gate, Jared went over the map of the Newark airport with Eva so she could see how she was to catch her connecting flight. Fortunately it was only three gates away. We reviewed the final check list. Passport, camera, Dramamine, cell phone, money, gum. Check. Then it was time to board. The moment of truth for any parent is the time when you set your child free.  I can now  tell you from my own personal experience… you are never fully prepared.  I watched, clutched with masked anxiety, as my brave, tearful daughter walked down the boarding hallway. Alone. I couldn’t believe that I was letting her do this. (She would later meet up with her tour group in Spain.)

I told Jared I couldn’t leave the terminal until her plane took off. I wanted to see it taxi away from the gate so I could compose myself. And you know what? It really did me good. I needed the closure and the time to collect my thoughts. I likened the feeling to stories I’ve read about astronauts who recall the sense of peace they experience just before takeoff when they surrender to a higher power and know that from now on, their destiny is out of their hands.  I’m not a religious person, so you would never hear me utter the words, “It’s in god’s hands. ” But I do know, it is no longer in my hands. It’s in Eva’s. This is Eva’s experience. Her life. Words cannot fully express the emotions I felt as I watched my daughter’s plane taxi away from the gate. Fear. Apprehension. Anxiety. Sadness. And gratitude. Thankful to my ex for making this all happen.

Later, as I was coming off my philosophical parental high, Eva texted me from her connecting flight to Madrid to tell me she discovered three other kids on her flight to Madrid who were part of her tour group. One was from California and, get this, she had tons of movies, including Justin Beiber’s,  ”Never Say Never!!” Awesome.

That’s when I knew my daughter was going to be OK.

Today was Sophia’s 18th birthday and in keeping with our birthday traditions, we’ve been celebrating all week. Monday I took her on a shopping spree and bought her some new clothes. Yesterday we headed downtown and ordered the cake, an ice cream one from Cold Stone Creamery. Coffee Heath Bar Crunch, I believe was the flavor. Today we went out to lunch and I made Sophia’s favorite birthday dinner– homemade pierogies.

It was such an amazing day, to see your child become an adult. I couldn’t be prouder of her. She graduates next week and in a few weeks will start her job at the boardwalk. Then off to college in the fall. It seems like just yesterday that she was starting kindergarten.

I have always believed that there’s no time like the present to learn a new skill or develop a new hobby. It keeps life interesting, challenging and staves off boredom, and dare I say, the empty nest syndrome.  I think this is especially important when one reaches, ah hem, the middle-aged years, when our lovely children leave their nests and move on to greener pastures and greater opportunities for themselves.

It’s time. Not just for them, but for me too. Read the rest of this entry »

Last Tuesday was Awards Night at Santa Cruz High. It is a time of celebration and commendation for the hard work and achievements of the senior class who is graduating in a few weeks and heading off to college in the fall. It is also when they award the scholarships. I beamed with pride as Sophia leaped onto the stage to receive hers from the Italian heritage foundation (my Italian mother would be so proud) and I watched with amazement and collective pride at the unbelievable accomplishments of my daughter’s classmates.

There was the recipient of the National Merit Scholarship, a young man who earlier in the year won the international (that’s right, #1 in the whole world) science fair for developing a new method for detecting breast cancer. And the math whiz/track star who got accepted to MIT, but decided to go to Brown instead.

I think the student who made the biggest and lasting impression, was the young man who was awarded several music scholarships. I had never met him, but I got a favorable feel-good vibe every time he bounded up on stage in his retro thin lapel-ed suit and orange high top sneakers to accept his awards. The music teacher, by way of introduction, described him as a passionate lover of music who played several musical instruments and performed in both the school band and orchestra.

Later, over French fries and cokes at the Santa Cruz Diner, when I remarked to Sophia about this young man’s obvious talents, she elaborated, “That’s not all, Mom. He was  also the star of the high school musical. Two weeks ago, on opening night, his mother, after a  10 year battle with breast cancer, died at 2:30 in the morning. And he still went on that night to perform.”

Wow. I still get chills went I think about him. And his mom. What she’s missing, and what a remarkable young man she raised. She would be so proud.