Johnny Prynce, our rock star tenant, has been traveling on tour all month and is breezin’ back into town today for a concert in downtown Santa Cruz at the Catalyst. Woo hoo!! We’re all going. The opening act is a band called Radid Fire whom I have mentioned before. Rapid Fire consists of three teenage boys around 13 years old, two of whom are the twin sons of my friend Kathryn, who is a frequent commenter here. I just talked to Kathryn and we plan to meet up and agreed to wear our ear plugs and to keep our phones on vibrate. The video above is of Johnny’s band, Dirty Penny singing “Vendetta”. Enjoy.

Yesterday was Sam’s 19th birthday and we all went out to dinner to celebrate. My girls, Eva and Sophia, were at their dad’s and did not attend, but Paul’s kids, along with Susie, his ex-wife, met up at a wonderful Chinese restaurant in Capitola called Canton’s. I highly recommend it.

It was a pleasant evening. We each had assigned jobs to order various courses, ( mine was appetizers) but desert was the usual fortune cookie. Sam went first to read aloud his fortune, but before he did he said, “I think I got Dad and Carol”s.” (Carol is me, those of you who don’t know.) It said: “You will be very happy with your spouse.”

“What a nice thing to say”, I thought, not only because he could recognize that his father and I are happy, but because he acknowledged my existence in the first place. You see, Sam and I have a very turbulent past, so to speak. There are times when he looks at me with such disdain I swear he hates me. If I had to list all the mistakes I made as a step mother,  most would  begin with Sam.

When I first entered Sam’s life he was coasting along just fine without me. Both of his parents worked outside the home and there I was working from home and therefore able to observe him not doing his homework, eating crap and playing too many video games. I felt it was my role to correct his behavior and made it my mission to do so. In hindsight, this was not such a great idea. It not only back fired in my face, it bred resentment. I hope someday Sam will look back on my “interference” as caring rather than an annoyance. Only time will tell. If I had to do it all over again I would simply leave his parenting up to his parents and stay out of it. I set myself up to be the bad guy, even though I was well intentioned. Perhaps Sam’s acknowledgement that I was  good for his father was the first nod in my favor. Maybe I am making way too much of this, but sometimes I just have to take what I can get.

We had a bit of drama at the Shwanda house last week. My daughter Sophia and my husband Paul got into a big argument on Tuesday night over something as innocuous as the TV (he wanted to watch the Olympics and she wanted to watch a reality show) and she just had a hissy fit. She stormed out of the great room, starting slamming things around, claimed she ” JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!” packed her bags and drove across town to go live with her father.  It was not her finest moment and it wasn’t mine either. She screamed some expletives at her step father, which she later came to regret, and I allowed myself to get caught in the middle when I should have been backing up my hubby. I got defensive. I let my “I’m-so-sorry-for-getting-divorced-and-remarried-and-making-you-move-guilt” get in the way of reason. Read the rest of this entry »

A few posts back I  wrote about our aspiring rock star son Mark’s announcement that he was not planning to go to college because he was looking forward to living the hard scrabble life of his rock idol Slash. Last week I had the opportunity to give one of  his band mates a ride home and boy did I learn a lot. The young man told me all about the courses he was taking in school. He is a sophomore and is already tackling AP Calculus. To put things in perspective, that is something seniors usually take as an elective after they have completed Algebra one and two, Geometry and Pre-Calculus. This kid is driven. I asked him what motivates him and he said he needs to take as many AP classes as possible so that he can get a scholarship to college because that is the only way he will be able to go since his parents don’t have the money to send him.  I was impressed.

I dropped him at his house, a modest home in the working class section of town, and made the snap shot assessment that this kid is already living the hard scrabble life. And he wants better. Good for him. He reminded me a lot of myself at that age because I too came from very humble beginnings. I got my first job at 13 in a hotel laundry room and worked my way through high school and college for which I got a scholarship. And I pitched in around the house by cooking and cleaning while my  mother was still at work. In my efforts to give my kids a better life than I had  I wonder if am doing them a disservice by not giving them the hard scrabble life now so that they won’t be craving it later. You tell me. When the boy got out of my car I hollered to him, “Hey, rub some of that college stuff onto Mark. He says he doesn’t want to go.” He replied back with assurance, “He’ll go. He’s just saying that.” I hope he’s right.

Photo of a natural bridge along West Cliff

The kids all have off from school today in honor of President’s Day and they are all at their other parents’ houses. I was working in my home office when Sophia called me to ask if I would like to go for a walk with her on West Cliff Drive. How sweet to be asked. I said, “Sure.” Now that she’s got wheels she drove over to pick me up and we headed down to the beach for a power walk along the ocean. I always enjoy time alone with each of  my kids. And I’m delighted they still want to have anything to do with me.

We had a blast of a party today for the Superbowl. We invited all of our favorite people (Hello to C and D if you are reading this.), everyone brought a dish to share (Great pate b-t-w), the kids jumped on the trampoline, played ping pong  and everyone took part in the Superbowl pool. The main attraction, however, was the halftime show and  I don’t mean Roger Daltry and the Who. No. I mean our son, Mark and his newly formed rock band who performed in our carport and they were GREAT. ( I’m sure everyone in the neighborhood thought so too.) Paul and I were beaming with pride.

A few weeks ago Mark came to us and asked if he and his bandmates could practice at our house. We said yes, but so far they haven’t since there has been an issue with the transportation of the drum set. I guess those things aren’t so easy to tote around. In any case, we were delighted to hear them play. Mark often plays in his room and we listen through the door, but this was the first time we heard his band play together.

I have to say it was a relief that they were good, although I should not have been surprised. Mark has a real passion for music. In fact, just last week he revealed to us that he has no plans to go to college and is actually looking forward to “living the hard scrabble life of his rock idol Slash.” Can’t begin to tell you how comforting it was to  hear that. Paul and I  took one look at each other and just laughed. Kids, kids, kids. We sat him down on the couch to lecture him on the benefits of going to college and the downside of the hard scrabble life. We certainly didn’t want to talk him out of his dream, especially since he has so much talent, but we wanted to make him understand that in order for him to be in control of his destiny he has to make the choices instead of having choices thrust upon him. We counseled him to do his  best in high school and when the time comes to decide about college, he will have a lot more options than someone who slacked off.  (His last report card was less than stellar.) If he decides he doesn’t want to go to college then the decision will be his. If he  wants to go to college, but can’t get in because of poor grades, then the decision is not his. I made the analogy that it is like going on a job interview you are not sure you want. Go on the interview, give it your best shot and if they offer you the job, then you get to decide if you want it. I think he understood. His driving privileges have been restricted until he pulls up his grades. He’s a smart kid with his head on straight so we are confident he will make the right choices. As for his musical talent: the kid’s got it. If the girls aren’t beating down his door now, they will be soon. And that will be another on-the-couch conversation for sure.

Whew! Wow, what a month this has been. It flew by. I cannot believe it. I just finished my first course, Media Literacy, for my master’s degree in Internet Marketing and I ABSOLUTELY loved it. I think going back to school  was the best decision I ever made. I am learning so much my brain is bursting with creativity. I made my own website on iWeb, a movie about myself on iMovie, set up an iGoogle page and created an avatar in Second Life. The latter of which was way cool. If you have never been to Second Life I highly recommend it. It is virtual reality at its best.

The greatest part of all of this is that this whole experience has brought Paul and me even closer together. We talk endlessly all day (we work together, remember) and into the night about  how we can work what I am learning into our current and future business plans. I have to create a marketing plan for my master’s thesis on a company of my choice so I am doing mine on our business. Paul tells me he has never seen me so happy, energized and creative. I agree. Going back to school at 48 , with five children has been an amazing experience. Everyone chips in to help out and whatever doesn’t get done I am learning to ignore. My standards of cleanliness have gone lower than ever before but who cares? I am a vessel of knowledge now and nothing is going to stop me.

The best part of the homemade dollhouse  project was that it was made in our art studio. Paul built it for me when we got married. It was a place for me to do my writing and seaweed art, but also a free space for the children to invent, create and make messes. We work on art projects, make candles, sew, have my Just Imaginate craft classes. It’s a fun room. When we lived at our old house, my girls had a play house that their father had built for them. They missed it terribly. This special room is for all of us and I love enjoying it with them. The photos below are of our studio.

art studio entrance

art studio interior

another view

Last week the kids had a four day weekend because of the semester break. Sophia had her wisdom teeth out on Friday, but was feeling well enough by Saturday to spend the rest of the weekend working on a homemade dollhouse. She came out to my studio (where I write this blog, among many other things) and told me that since she didn’t have any homework, she wanted to tackle a project she always wanted to do and that was to make a dollhouse out of card board boxes. She worked on it the rest of the weekend, enlisting the aid of her two sisters to help her. It was amazing what they came up with. They built, decorated and furnished the entire house all with found objects. The made bookcases filled with books, lampshades out of sewing thimbles and shower curtain rods out of bead wire. Everything was in miniature and it was a masterpiece. Here are some photos of their homemade doll house.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m getting old. Old as in… when I bend down to pick up something my knees creak and I’m not sure I can get back up. Old as in… I’m getting red moles of the back of my knees like my mother had. And old as in … sometimes I forget where I left my kids. For example, this past weekend Eva had a sleepover at a friend’s house and she was gone Friday night and all day Saturday. With a houseful of all her siblings and their friends, I hardly missed her. Around 5pm on Saturday night she called me on my cell phone and asked me to come pick her up. And I thought to myself, “Pick you up? Where? All this time I thought you were in your room.” Nooooooo. I’m turning into my mother. Help!!! The red moles, the denial that I am losing my hearing, sight, mind… fill in the ___________. And now… I’m losing my kids!!! When they were babies I used to have nightmares that I drove off and left the car seat on roof of the car. Those were only bad dreams. This is my sad reality. In spite of my exhaustion, when they were little I always knew where they were. Now that they are teenagers, not so much.

I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on myself since my mom was guilty of  misplacing her children too. When we were kids she used to take us to WaWa after church on Sundays. (WaWa is a Northeastern regional convenience store chain similar to 7Eleven. I wish they had them here because they have the greatest milkshakes.) While Mom was at the deli counter we five kids would run wild through the store. My younger sister Jill and I would dip our hands into the pickle barrels, lick the pickles and throw them back in. (Aahh. Those were the days.) One day, Jill must have been in the bathroom when we left the store and drove home without her. I think we were home about a half hour when my mother  realized her “oversight” and shrieked in horror, “WE LEFT JILL IN WAWA!!!!!!!!!!!” We all clamored into the paneled station wagon (which my father had decorated with embarrassing Flower Power stickers) while my mom sped like a maniac back to the store where we found Jill wandering the aisles aimlessly, oblivious to the fact that we had left her in the store and had gone home without her.  My mother covered well when she told my sister, “Come on, Jill. Time to go.” Just as I did when I told Eva, “Sure, I’ll be right over to get you.” And we wonder why some children have abandonment issues.