My step daughter, Cheryl got a new camera for Christmas and recently she showed me her gorgeous photography! What talent. She really captured the beauty of the sea. Here is a sampling, If you would like to see more, please visit SeaweedArt. We have plans to print greeting cards from her photographs and sell them so she can earn money to travel.

My daughter Sophia left for college a few weeks ago. She was home for winter break for about a month and it was so wonderful having her here. We made cookies, and gingerbread houses, got our nails done, went out to lunch and the movies, went to the beach, finished a sewing project, took a trip to San Francisco and spent our last day together at the Santa Cruz wharf watching the harbor seals.  We sure had a lot of  Mommie and Me time together. I was very pleased and impressed with what a sophisticated, articulate and well spoken young lady she had become.

I won’t see her again until May when she gets out of school since she is not planning to come home for Spring break.

Last night, while I was browsing through my copy of Alice Water’s cookbook, The Art of Simple Food: Notes, Lessons, and Recipes from a Delicious Revolution,  I found that most of what she espouses, shop local, buy organic, are principles I have been practicing for years. I can still remember as a child, stopping by the New Jersey farms stands with my mom on my way home from the beach. Fresh corn, Jersey tomatoes and melons, as well as home made pies, jams and locally harvested honey beckoned my senses and whet my appetite for good food. My mother had high blood pressure and was on a low sodium, low fat diet, long before it was fashionable, hence fresh fruits and vegetables were always an important staple in our diet.

The most compelling plea of Ms. Waters, and one with which I heartily agree, is her firm belief in packing children nutritious and hearty school lunches. This is a conviction I firmly believe in and have always practiced. I know some parents believe the importance of teaching children independence by making them pack their own lunches, but I know that if I did that, my kids, in their hectic scramble to get out the door each morning, would simply not do it. Since I don’t mind, and because it is so important to me that my children remain well nourished throughout their school day, I am happy to do it. Truthfully, it’s really not that hard or time consuming. Even when I worked full time and had an hour commute, I managed to get the job done. Because I do most of the prep the night before and  have such an assembly line efficient system, I can pack 7 lunches, (including one for me and Paul) in 10 minutes.

Another motivation for doing so is to keep my kids away from the unhealthy junk food crap they could buy at school, which, thankfully,  my kids would never eat anyway. However, I can see what an enticement it can be since it is so readily available and so cheap. My stepson tells me he can buy a slice of pizza and a Coke for $2. Certainly not organic or sustainable. Why do schools sell soda in the first place? Actually, I know the answer to that question. Soda companies underwrite the school with hefty donations in exchange for putting soda vending machines in the cafeteria. Under funded schools are fearful of giving up the resources. An outrage.

Here’s what I packed in my kids lunches today: fresh berry salad, bagel chips with basil and sun dried tomato hummus, and their favorite sandwich– turkey, Havarti cheese, bacon, avocado, lettuce and kalamata olive spread, which I make from scratch. Here’s the recipe: combine 1/4 cup mayo with a clove of garlic, a handful of kalamata olives and pinch of herbs de Provence in a blender or food processor. Pulse until creamy, although a few olive chunks are fine. My kids love it.

We had a wonderful Christmas this year. Sophia is home from college and Sam is home from the Navy. It was very relaxing and stress free, which is the way I like the holidays to be. We baked cookies, created a wreath with fresh garland and made a gingerbread house from scratch. Looking forward to a wonderful New Year.

Every year, the venerable Oxford English Dictionary enlists a small army of readers to comb through books, magazines, newspapers and various online sources to find new words and their meanings that have entered the English language lexicon. I was amused to read some recent additions, for instance:

guy liner n: eyeliner for men

or…

kiss and cry n:  the area where competitive figure skaters wait with their coaches to receive scores from judges

And my personal favorite that finally gives a name to my teenage daughter’s room…

Floordrobe n: The floor of a room, littered with discarded clothing. See image below.

Floordrobe: teenage girl's room littered with clothing

Paul and I recently made the acquaintance of a lovely couple whom I will refer to as Mike and Mary. They are about our age, maybe a little older, with four grown children. They are a blended family, two kids each, and have been married for five years. They met when their children had already moved out of the house. Both Mike and Mary have told Paul and me that their marriage is successful and happy because they met when they were empty nesters and did not have the challenges of “outside forces working against them.” By that they mean ex-spouses or other misinformed and misguided individuals that undermine their authority and in some extreme cases, attempt to pit the child against a parent in a pathetic effort to seek revenge against an ex-spouse.

This is unfortunately all too common in divorce and subsequent remarriages. Petty jealousies, lingering anger and resentment spill over into new relationships, making it difficult for children to accept new members in their family. Children are used as pawns, and therefore have conflicted and divided loyalties. These conflicts are extremely challenging in a remarriage with children and something Paul and I have experienced.  A less committed couple may not have survived. Just knowing that makes our bond even stronger.

As anyone who has been through a divorce that involves children can attest, the first and most important priority should be determining custody and parental visitation. My ex-husband, Jared and I strived to make the transition as smooth as possible by establishing two separate households where our children could feel comfortable and at home. Following tips and advice from divorce advice books like Mom’s House, Dad’s House for Kids: Feeling at Home in One Home or Two, we made sure they had all of the amenities they needed. Aside from having toiletries and wardrobes at each house, they even had duplicate board games and school text books.

As for our own communal possessions,  Jared and I were very fair as well. As positive divorces go, we are the poster parents. I got the wedding china because he didn’t care, and he got all of the Spanish cookbooks, because I know how much he enjoyed them. Photo albums were a bit more of a challenge, but easily remedied by making doubles. One year for Christmas I made Jared copies of all of our home movies. But what about things that cannot be duplicated? Like the kids’ art work?  Jared and I recently arrived at a very creative solution to what otherwise could have been an uncomfortable and difficult decision for our youngest daughter, Eva.

Eva's Flower

Eva is an extremely talented artist. At the end of last semester, she brought home her art portfolio of work to my house, with the exception of one truly magnificent chalk pastel of a flower that she gave to her father. Jared had the piece framed and asked me if I had seen it. I didn’t know anything about it. One day, when he was dropping Eva off from her weekend at his house, Jared brought it in to show me. I was stunned by its beauty and the exquisite attention to detail. It was so life-like I thought it was a photograph. Eva was beaming with pride while she watched her parents admire her work. It was at that moment that Jared came up with the idea that we would share “Eva’s Flower” by taking turns hanging it in our house, like art collections that are shared by various museums. At the moment it is “on loan” to me where it is prominently displayed in my dining room. Just in time for the holidays.

Our numbers are dwindling. Not only are the kids moving out, but sadly, our pets are dying. Yesterday we had to have our beloved cat, Kyle Kitty, put to rest. He was 12 years old. The kids all took it hard. Cheryl and Eva held him, cried and said their goodbyes. I took him to the vet alone, where I balled my eyes out like a baby.

When I left the vet’s office, with an empty cat carrier, there was a beautiful sunset. How metaphorical I thought. I paused to look at it and reflect on my thoughts. When I got home I told Paul it was the end of an era. We got Kyle when Sophia was in first grade. It was a surprise when she came home from school. She was so excited. Kyle was a mate to another black kitty we had, named Rosie, who now resides with my sister, Jill. ( Rosie, always a skittish, scaredy cat, could never adapt to our large, bustling blended family.) I had two cats for my two girls. They comforted  them through hurts and skinned knees, and they comforted me too. They were good company on lonely nights as a single mother. My fondest memory is watching my girls scamper down the hallway to their rooms at bedtime with two black kitties trailing closely behind.

To Kyle Kitty. May he rest in peace.

I’ve been eating these carrots all summer, but the burnt oranges, rusts and ambers of these golden vegetables seem so autumnal to me.

It rained today. Paul made a fire in the living room. I cooked meatloaf, mashed potatoes and maple glazed carrots for dinner. We have three kids left at home, which is more than most people have to begin with, yet the house seems so empty to me.

The other big change in our family, aside from Sophia entering college, is that Sam, Paul’s oldest son, has enlisted in the Navy. He shipped out August 30th. We couldn’t be happier and more proud of him. He is a bright young man who recognized that the discipline and structure of the military will not only  benefit him immensely, it will offer him limitless opportunities and the chance to see the world.

Our numbers are now reduced to five, with two parents and five teenagers. I asked Paul, “Do you realize how the dynamic in our family with change?” The two youngest girls, my daughter Eva, and Paul’s daughter Cheryl, are the best of buds. They do everything together. In fact, they write copious “to do” lists that include items like “paint our nails, ride our bikes to the beach and get a tan.” For them, being step siblings is like living with your best friend. Ditto for Mark, who adores hanging around the girls and being the only boy. They tease him and he loves it. He drives, so he often takes the girls to get a taco or see a movie. They have always gotten along very well.

Life is certainly much easier and calmer around here. Before you know it, we’ll be empty nesters.