Had a great day today. Very mellow. Started off by reading the Sunday paper that was chock full of articles about “Mom.” There was a very poignant story about single mothers, an article about an older mom blogger and even one about a mother/daughter bowling team. There was not, unfortunately, any mention of one of the largest segments of the motherhood population– stepmoms, the unsung heroines of the maternal world.  I was disappointed to say the least. I was feeling neglected until I opened my email and found this article sent to me by my cyber stepmom friend, Peggy Nolan of The Stepmom’s Toolbox. It was titled: “A Letter From Your Husband,” and it could have been written by my husband. Or yours. Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there.

P.S. Mary S. This one’s dedicated to you.

Recently, I was doing some research for an article I am writing on domestic violence. I read all about Rhianna and Chris Brown,  which segued  to a piece on Junior Seau, a former linebacker for the San Diego Chargers, who pushed and shoved his 25 year old girlfriend (and denied it) , which in turn led me to information on San Diego Domestic Violence Defense, an organization that helps victims protect themselves and prosecute their offenders. Most importantly, it defines what exactly constitutes domestic violence because apparently it has different definitions depending on where you live.

This is a subject that is near to my heart because as a kid growing up I had my unfair share of domestic abuse. I was one of the lucky ones in that I was able to overcome my early childhood trauma and move on to experience a peaceful home life with my loving husband. Not everyone is so fortunate. But thanks to increasing awareness, domestic violence will soon be a thing of the past.

When I think about Sophia going off to college, possibly across the country, I can’t help but reminisce about my own cross continent move almost 20 years ago. I was pregnant with Sophia and her father Jared and I were living in Bayonne, NJ. Jared was recruited by a software company in Silicon Valley and in a matter of days our lives were completely transplanted and transformed.

My then husband’s new employer hired international furniture shippers to pack and move all of our belongings. I watched in jaw dropping awe as a truck the size of a city block pulled up in front of our tiny apartment. It took two men and a hand cart 8 hours to load the truck for the first of many moves that were to come. (I’ve lived in four houses since then.) If there is one lesson I have learned from that first big move is that I will never, ever, do-it-myself ever again. Hiring professional movers is soooo worth it. They know what they are doing and they have all the professional materials you need. For instance, if it rains, they put up tarps to protect your furniture. (I speak from experience.) And they do all the heavy lifting! What could be better?

The grueling college application process is finally coming to a close and I have to say from my perspective, and from Sophia’s, it was brutal, with emotions vacillating between the euphoric victories of acceptance and the crushing defeat of rejection. I keep telling Sophia that this is a pivotal point in her life, the first time when she will truly have to face life’s difficult decisions and the disappointments that often go with them. Finding out that you didn’t get into your “reach school,” as they say in college app parlance, is a lot harder to take than not getting that part in the class play. And it only gets worse.

When Sophia started applying to schools back in November, I couldn’t help but recall my own experiences 30 years ago. Back then, it was a lot easier to get into college with less kids applying (because in those days you could still get earn a decent living without a college degree) and a lot more financial aid to do so. I applied to two colleges and got accepted to both. The schools I chose were “safe” schools, ones I was assured that I could get into. Some of my more academic friends applied to Ivy League schools and got accepted and I always wondered if I would have been accepted too had I applied as well. It is a feeling that has haunted me for years. The regret that I didn’t even try. So when Sophia told me about some of the hard-to-get-into schools she wanted to apply to, I told her, “Go for it.” Why not? She had hope. And it is that drive to attain loftier goals that sustains us. Having the courage to face rejection is a noble trait and because of that, Sophia will go far in this world. I couldn’t be more proud of her.

Sophia got into three great schools that can all offer her an excellent education. She has narrowed her choice down to two, one in Portland and one in Philadelphia. Her dad is taking her to tour Lewis and Clark this weekend and I am taking her to my home town of Philly next weekend to visit Drexel University, and then she will decide. This is only the beginning. And she’s off to a great start.

All five of my kids are looking for a job, whether it’s summer employment, babysitting or part-time work after school, they are all in the job market. Paul and I have been trying to guide them with advice on how to not only get a job, but how to do a good job.

I, for one, have peformed just about every service industry task you can imagine. Waitressing mostly, but also hotel work, bar tending and retail sales. My kids are sick of hearing me tell this story, but I have done it all. And that makes me a seasoned expert on what it takes to get and keep a service industry job. And at the risk of annoying my children, I often take the opportunity to point out the shortcomings of the wait staff in most restaurants. (I’m sure to be discreet so as not to embarrass the server for my kids.) For instance, I might advise, “If you are serving soup, make sure the customer has a spoon.” Or, “Don’t ask the customer if they want desert if they are still eating their dinner. ”

Today, while standing with Sophia at the deli counter in the grocery store, an opportunity presented itself that I consider a  ”a job seeker’s teachable moment.” While we were waiting for our very efficient and gracious server to fill our cold cuts order, there was a gentleman next to me, about my age, who had ordered a sandwich. His server was a young woman, late teens probably, and appeared to be kind of a whiner. Here’s what happened.

She gave him his sandwich and he decided to order another one, and get this, she got annoyed with him. She hissed, “I wish you would have told me sooner that you wanted two sandwiches, it would have been so much easier to have made them both at the same time.”

I cringed. Surprisingly, the customer actually apologized and explained that he had just made up his mind to order a second sandwich. Unbelievable. I seized the moment and pulled Sophia aside and cautioned her, “Never, ever, ever, speak to a customer that way. If you do, and your supervisor hears you, it would be grounds for immediate dismissal.”

To Sophia’s credit, I don’t think she needed to be told. I shudder at the thought of all the kids who don’t know any better.

I was out to lunch with a friend today and when I returned home, Sophia was sitting on her bed in front of her laptop with a dejected look on her face. Tears were welling up in her eyes and she looked up at me and cried, ” I just got rejected from the University of Chicago. ” My heart went out to her. She was so disappointed. The sting of rejection is hard to bear and all I could think was, “This is only the beginning.” Read the rest of this entry »

The blogosphere is filled with mommy bloggers who are  chock full of all kinds of information. Some useful. And some not so useful. Perhaps I am a bit weathered in my parenting experience as I no longer care to discuss diapers, (cloth or Huggies) feedings, (bottle or breast) and education (public, private or home school). These are all issues that I, a middle aged mom of teenagers, have processed and no longer care to discuss. It’s not that they were not of interest to me at some point, they just aren’t any longer.

Still, I understand the need for young mothers of infants, toddlers and preschoolers to connect with others as parenting is perhaps the hardest job anyone ever takes on. I know it was for me. And I’m sure I’ve made my mistakes and missteps along the way and wish I could have done some things over. But there is one thing I can say for sure that I got right. I never drank. Read the rest of this entry »

I was surfing the Internet the other day trying to find a solution to a vexing problem I have. Messy cables. And missing cables. Ick. Ick. Ick. Even with the whole wireless thing, I still need USB cables for stuff like downloading photos from my Droid to my Mac or HDMI cables to connect my Mac to my TV. I did some searching and I discovered Optimization World. Yes, dear readers, there is such a place and they sell a lot more than just Optimization World Cables. You never know when you are going to need a cable and this site has it all. Look no further. VGA cables, speaker wires, phone cables and most importantly, Wii remotes in case yours got lost in the couch.

Browsing this site was like a computer geek in a candy store, expect I’m not a computer geek. And I find the whole cord, cable, adapter thing aggravating to say the least. Apparently I am not alone. Optimization World feels your pain and wants to share in your suffering by offering you a challenge to enter their Messy Cable Contest. Send if photos of your messy cables and the winner gets $100 store credit. I think I’m a contender.

Yesterday, while I was having lunch alone in a cafe, there were three men sitting at the table next to me. It was close quarters, so I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on their conversation. They were all young fathers with toddlers. One was expecting a second child soon and they all speculated how the older child, about 3, would adjust to having a younger sibling. The father announced proudly that he thought his son would adapt just fine. He announced, “He’s getting very independent. He’s almost potty trained.”

As a mother of five teenagers, I chuckled to myself. All of those early milestones… holding a cup, feeding yourself, taking your own bath and doing your own algebra homework are all significant and worth remarking. Now if only they could get a job, pay off their student loans and take care of us in our old age. Now that would be an accomplish worth  celebrating. Those three fathers have no idea. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose, otherwise no one would procreate. All I can say is, “Good luck to them.”

Recently I had coffee with a friend of mine, Sara,  and I asked her to review some marketing material I has written for a new business I am forming. It is copy for the back of greeting cards I am creating for my seaweed art pressings. Sara is a business owner herself, and a very smart, creative person, whom I have often relied upon for advice and guidance, both personally and professionally. She’s the kind of person who always strives for the best. She is in many ways, an advanced achiever. I admire and respect her judgement and am grateful to have her as a friend. The copy in question was something I had been muling over for weeks. Paul, another person with high standards, had edited it too and thought it looked great. My dear friend, however, offered some more suggestions, a few tweaks here and there, and what we came up with I think is fantastic!

I couldn’t help but feel lucky to have Sara in my life. This was not the first time she has come to my “creative” aid. When I married Paul, she came to my house a few days before the wedding to see what she could do to help. I had wanted to decorate the baskets the flower girls were going to carry and my effort would have consisted of attaching some bows and leaving it at that. Sara took over, adorning the baskets with color coordinated ribbons and dried flowers. Her version was so much better than anything I could have come up with. I still have the baskets, which are displayed prominently on a shelf in my art studio.

Having friends like Sara are the best kind, because they elevate you to achieve more and inspire you to do your best. They raise the bar. Read the rest of this entry »