I took a much needed break yesterday evening to swim some laps. We joined a private swim club for the summer and I am really enjoying working out in the fitness center and relaxing by the pool. I often go at the end of the day so I can unwind and decompress. Last night Paul was working late in San Francisco and the kids were at their other parents’ houses, so I took advantage of my alone time.

After my swim, while I was toweling off and ready to relax with  my book, I couldn’t help but hear the wailing protestations of a little boy who was upset with his parents because they would not let him have some Skittles. He must have been about 5 or 6 and he was very upset. Throwing himself on the pavement, pounding his fists in anger and frustration and generally behaving like a spoiled, obnoxious brat. Although I agreed with his parents’ firm stance to not give in, I did not appreciate how they handled the situation because they essentially aided and abetted in their son’s outrageous behavior. Children need to know from a very early age that no means no and there is no backing down.

Instead, these parents resorted to what I refer to as “the parenting style of over explanation.” Too much talk and not enough action. For what seemed like an eternity, they coddled and cajoled this kid with hollow platitudes of “If you keep acting like this we are going to have to leave.” Neither I nor the kid believed for a nanosecond that  they would follow through on that threat.  I was jumping out of my skin. It took every ounce of restraint I had to not pull the kid aside and chide, “Dude, it’s downhill from here. Missing out on Skittles is nothing compared to having your driving privileges taken away when you’re 16 because you got a D in Algebra. Lighten up. It’s no big deal. Get over it.”   Instead I kept those thoughts to myself. As I was leaving and Junior was still pitching his fit, I made eye contact with an elderly woman, a grandmother, I’m sure. She looked at me. Looked at the kid and we both tsked tsked. We commiserated for a moment about the bad parenting we just observed. I left feeling sorry for the kid.