I was very lucky to be sort of adopted by a woman, about 25 years my senior, who took me under wing when I first met her 25 years ago. I was 22 and she was 47. She was the office manager of my first real job in the New York City garment industry. She saw my potential and mentored and nurtured me and we have stayed in touch and have been friends ever since. She was always supportive,  never judged me and no matter how much time had passed since we last spoke to each other, she was always there for me, always willing to listen and offer me her sage wisdom and advice.  She supported me through my divorce, and I was there for her through the death of her second husband.  I am lucky if I get to see her once every ten years, but we always talk on the phone. She is, without a doubt, my surrogate and  second mother.

My two girls have a second mother as well. And this kind of bond is in some ways more special than the biological mother/daughter relationship,  because is not required or expected. There is no obligation. It is an added bonus. A special gift. Sophia and Eva met their second mother, Susie,  about ten years about when we moved into a house two doors down from her and her family. She has a daughter Eva’s age and we all became fast friends. The three girls were inseparable. We basically raised our kids together. When I went through my divorce, Susie was there for me with as  a shoulder to cry on, as well as a care giver for my girls when I needed a break. As time wore on, we all became very close, setting up lemonade stands, trick-or-treating together, taking an annual all-girls ski trip , and cheering our kids on at soccer games. .

Sophia is now a junior in high school and Susie works in the school counseling office. The last few weeks, our should I say months/years have been filled with the typical teenage angst with confusion about what classes to take, feelings of inadequacy about grades and social life etc. When I am at my wit’s end, which is often, I send her to Susie, who knows exactly what to say and do. She loves my daughter like her own and that kind of unconditional love and friendship is priceless.

A few weeks ago I overheard Sophia talking to someone and she was describing Susie, and this is what she said, “I have a second mother. She’s kind of like my mom. I can go to her when I have a problem and she helps me fix it.”

I told Susie. She cried. These are the kind of relationships you really have to cherish. What a gift.