Whenever the kids first start back to school I am always amused by all the horror stories they have to tell about all the mean teachers they have. It makes me think back to my 5th grade teacher, Sister Andrea, whom we referred to as Prune because of her shriveled up, leathery skin. (I guess nuns didn’t wear sunscreen. ) The woman terrified me. I can still remember her making me stand at the black board in the front of the room until I finally understood how to do long division. How horrible of her.

Since I have five kids at five different schools, I hear LOTS of teacher horror stories. And if someone has a teacher someone else had the year before, then there’s LOTS of commiseration too. Last year we all heard  about Ms. Grellman, the P.E. teacher that Sophia and Eva both had. Doesn’t that sound like a P.E. teacher name? You can just picture her ordering the kids to do suicide laps or push ups. “Grellman really knows how to drill ‘em.”  

No other teacher quite  conjures up images of horror or makes kids quiver in fear  like the 7th grade math teacher Cheryl has this year that Mark had two years ago –Ms. Piannavilla. If you say her name fast it sounds like Piranha Villain, which apparently she is. Particularly if you don’t do your homework, which I think Mark might have been guilty of. She is a big woman with an overbearing presence that makes even some of the parents afraid of her.  Legends and rumors abound about this woman that only add to her evil persona. For instance, my personal favorite is that  the reason she’s so pasty faced is because she has been seen eating mayonnaise directly OUT OF THE JAR.  Gross.

I can’t help but laugh. I’m sorry, but I have to meet this woman. I don’t care how mean she is, I can take her. I can’t wait for Back-to-School night. I’m going. I’m sitting front and center and I’ll let you know if she lives up to her reputation and if I can smell mayonnaise on her breath.