Sam, our oldest son now lives with his mother. He moved out in July and we have not seen very much of him since. He chose to live with his mother because he will be attending the local community college which is closer to her house. In addition, Sam is a self-described nerd, and computer geek who enjoys a lot of solitude. The chaos of a large family can be a little too much stimulation for his sensibilities, which is why he prefers the company of his cats, his books and his computer. But even a loner can get lonely, as he admitted to me recently when he called up and asked, “Can I come over for dinner?”

I came home from work to find him on the living room couch starved for someone to talk to. He sat at the kitchen counter (scarfing chips and salsa)  and talked to me while I prepared dinner. He told me all about the work he was doing for his grandfather, the courses he was going to take in school and his new contact lenses. (Which he got to replace the glasses taped together with masking tape. Seriously, the kid’s a nerd.) Then he told me something that I think every kid has to experience firsthand in order to fully appreciate their parents. He said he MISSED HOMECOOKING! On the weeks that all the kids are at our house he is  often left alone at his mom’s to fend for himself while she is out either working late or doing her own thing. He is, after all, 18 and dude, sooner or later you’re on your own.  I think the real truth is, he missed us. And we missed him too. I told him, “Sam, our doors are always open. You are welcome to come over any time. ”

Sam is in transition. He is learning to be independent while he still has the support and comfort of his family. The next day I took him to the college bookstore to get his books (ouch) and then dropped him at his mom’s. On his way out of the car he turned to me and said,” Maybe I’ll swing by some day next week too. ” Sure. Any time.