For the first time yesterday I wrote about my big sister, Nina. This is not her real name, of course, because as you all know by now, I change the names of everyone I write about to protect their privacy. Nina, however, apparently does not feel that she needs to protect her privacy because she has told everyone in her office that I wrote about her and she was thrilled. All I did was mention her  as in, “I’m going to visit my sister Nina” and that was it. But it got me thinking that Nina, my beloved big sister, deserves some more attention.

Nina is 11 years older than me and in kid years that was a lifetime. She was starting college when I was in second grade. Because of our age difference she was very much like a second mother to me. Or a “bonus mom” as we would say in blended family parlance. Since our mom worked, Nina was responsible for looking after me and my younger sister, Jill when we got home from school. Instead of coming home to our mother, we came home to her. I still have images in my mind of Nina wearing her housecoat,  cooking dinner or ironing. If she resented having to take care of us she never showed it. In fact, she always greeted us warmly and with special excitement on the days the new color TV arrived or the automatic garage door was installed. (Our father was a gadget guy so we had every new novelty you can imagine.) As if it were yesterday, I can still remember squirting Nina in the eye with the new Water-pic. My point is, Nina was my safe zone. I always felt secure in knowing that I could depend on her and that she would always be there for me.

As we grew older, the age gap narrowed and we related to each other on a more adult level. Eventually,  Nina told me that she did indeed resent having to take care of us. She was in her early 20’s, in college and got stuck staying home babysitting when she would rather have been out with her friends. This is understandable and certainly a common refrain of an oldest child, particularly the oldest of five. Nina was a great leader in that regard. She broke up a lot of family squabbles, and when my Mom passed away she took over where Mom left off. Thanks to her diplomacy (and impeccable organizational skills I might add)  there were no sibling disputes over who got the family heirlooms because, out of respect for Nina’s judgement, none of us ever argued with her.

Thanks Nina for being such a great big sister, my “bonus mom”,  and thanks  especially for taking over where Mom left off.

Nina is going to be a grandmother. She will be 59 in a couple of weeks, but does not look a day over 35. That has absolutely nothing to do with the post I just wrote, but I just know Nina would really appreciate reading that. “Hi” to all the friends at work too,  by the way.