I was in the dressing room at Macy’s the other day, trying on clothes when I over heard two women, obviously long time friends talking. The one, let’s call her Shirley,  was trying on a top and the other, let’s call her Sally,  was there for her opinion.

Shirley asked Sally: ” Is this top too tight on me?”

Sally’s response, “Yes. It’s too tight. It cuts you in the middle.”

Shirley: “How about if I lost 10 lbs?”

Sally: “How long have we known each other?” Translation: “You and I both know you are not going to lose 10 lbs. If you could, you would have by now.”

I thought to myself, “Now that’s a true friend.” She told her the truth, but she delivered it with humor to cushion the blow.  When I stepped out of the dressing room I saw Shirley modeling her top for all the saleswomen. She looked directly at me and asked,”How do you think this top looks on me?”

“Are you talking to me?” I asked her.

“Yes. You. What do you think of this top?”

“I think it looks great on you.” I lied and walked out of the dressing room. I figured Shirley would not give up until she got the answer she wanted to hear. And sometimes, that too, is  what friends are for.

Now that Paul and I have been together for four years we have gotten to that point in our marriage  when we know when to voice our opinions to each other and when to just listen. When Paul was debating on whether to open our new office in L.A. I was initially not in favor and said so.  Although my opinion certainly factored into the decision, ultimately he had the deciding vote. I had faith in him that he would make the right choice for himself and in hindsight, I can now see that he did.

We also know when to steer clear of certain topics. I just broke off a friendship with a woman I know Paul never liked. If I were to ask him, “You never really liked Dianne very much did you?” He would respond by saying, “Do these pants make my butt look big?” That’s code for, “Don’t ask, because you don’t really want to know the answer.”

Did Shirley really want to know if that top  was too small for her? Did she really care what people thought? Somehow I don’t think so. I think Shirley just wanted to have someone to bounce ideas off of so she could make up her own mind. A good friend and a good life partner has the wisdom to tell the difference.