Conventional blended family wisdom advises that when two separate families are combining into one household, it is recommended that they  find a neutral place to live, one that is new to everyone. This way everyone starts out on an equal playing field.  In a perfect world that would be ideal. In our situation, that was not possible. I sold my house and moved into Paul’s; the house he lived in with his ex- wife.

We made this decision based on a number of factors. For one thing, it was hard enough selling my house in a tough real estate market, let alone selling two. If we did buy a new place, our property taxes would have quadrupled. And finally, Paul was really attached to the house, having put a lot of sweat equity into it. We figured with the sale of my house, we could afford to remodel his  and make it our own. And we did. We added a new master bedroom and bath, a huge great room complete with a movie screen wall and wet bar, an art studio on the back of the property, a covered car port with a game room, remodeled the kitchen and repainted and refurnished the entire house.

Despite all of these accommodations the kids were often at odds with their new living environment. My kids missed their friends from the old neighborhood, even though they still saw them at school. (We only moved five minutes away, but it wasn’t the same.) And for the longest time they felt like they were guests in someone else’s house. Paul’s kids felt displaced and intruded upon especially since I brought a whole different parenting style with new rules and supervision they were not used to. My constant rearrangement of the kitchen cabinets was a sore point for just about everyone.  I was beginning to think that the kids were scarred for life and would never forgive us for the emotional trauma we had put them through until… we got our really cool L.A. pad.

I’ve mentioned in recent posts that Paul and I have a business together near our home in Santa Cruz. Recently we opened a second  office on in L.A. Actually, it is in Marina del Rey, a funky, hip, artsy  seaside harbor town close to the marina and about a mile from the beach. Venice Beach that is, also known as the famed Muscle Beach. Paul reasoned that since we were getting so much more work down in Southern California we should get a place and form a presence there. It is a live/work loft in a developing design community of architects, graphic artists and designers. I have not been inside yet, but I hear there is a roof top deck suited perfectly for outdoor dining, parties and barbecues.Within easy walking distance there are amazingly wonderful ethnic restaurants, Cineplex movie theatres, shops and boutiques.

A couple of weeks ago, Paul packed a trailer to take some furniture down there and since the kids are out of school, Eva and Mark went with him. While he was working, the kids explored the neighborhood, went to a movie and later out to dinner for sushi and Cambodian food. It was a brand new world for them and they were delighted to come home and tell the others about their experience. Now all the kids want to move there. How ironic. We can’t, of course, but we can certainly spend a lot of time there. It can be our home away from home. We plan to all make our first  trip together over Labor Day weekend.

When I was thinking about the kids excitement over the cool L.A. pad, I realized that it was more than just the attraction of fun and good times. It was because this place was ours. A home we can all call our own. That’s huge in a blended family. And a relief. Maybe now I can stop feeling so guilty.