We are leaving tomorrow for our trip back east. The kids have been counting down the days. They have signs all over the house. It has been a hectic week with all the preparations, trips to the drugstore to get sample bottles of shampoo and last minute frantic attempts to get the cat pee smell out of Sophia’s suitcase. On top of everything else our dog, Joey got out when someone left the gate open. He was missing for five days.  The kids were crying. They put posters up around town. Finally some nice man found Joey and called us.

I feel like I have been planning this trip forever. Paul has been out of town. This time he was in Minnesota. I haven’t seen him since Monday. He comes back tonight and our flight is tomorrow morning at 6am. The kids are all with their other parents having dinner. They will come back in a few hours. I’m off to get some takeout sushi for me and Paul.

I’m taking my laptop with me and will be posting as I go.  Stay tuned. This should be a really exciting trip.

On Sunday, the girls and I ran in the Wharf to Wharf race. It is a 10k race billed as “The best little road race in California.” It  starts at the Santa Cruz Wharf and finishes at the Capitola Wharf. It was our second time competing. Last year Sophia, Eva and I did the race and this year Cheryl  and my sister Jill joined us. We had a blast. It is such a fun experience. Over 15, 000 people from all over the world participate in what is a fantastic, feel-good, life-affirming fundraiser for the local school’s sports programs. For us it was yet another exercise in family bonding. Since we all run at different paces, we don’t always stick together, but we always find each other at the finish line. We collect our T-shirts, eat our power bars and watch the elite runners pick up the top prizes. Jared, my ex and Keith, his partner, also ran  and afterward we all took the shuttle back to the start line and then walked to Denny’s for breakfast. It’s a tradition and one that I hope we will keep in the family.

I’ve decided to write a book about blended families, and as part of my research I would like to hear from my readers. The tentative title is  Blended Family Stories: An in depth look at the real life struggles, hurdles challenges and joys of successful blended families. It is not an advice book per se, although there will be a lot  of that. It  will be more of a humorous, inspiring real life account of how blended families  have handled the different challenges we face.  I’ll cover all relevant topics like disciplining your step children, combining households and family bonding — to name a few.

What I am looking for are stories readers can identify with and relate to. Many of the books I have read on the subject were either told through an analytical or clinical perspective or with a specific focus, such as what it was it was like for the author to become a step mom.  Being the story teller that I am, I always wanted more. How did you meet your spouse? How did you know he was the one? When moving in together how did you make room for all your stuff? What was the best advice you got? What would you do differently if you had the chance? And if you had to do it all over again, would you? If you would like to answer these questions and more, please take my blended family survey. I assure you your identity and any identifying information will be kept in confidence and changed in the book.

Conventional blended family wisdom advises that when two separate families are combining into one household, it is recommended that they  find a neutral place to live, one that is new to everyone. This way everyone starts out on an equal playing field.  In a perfect world that would be ideal. In our situation, that was not possible. I sold my house and moved into Paul’s; the house he lived in with his ex- wife.

We made this decision based on a number of factors. For one thing, it was hard enough selling my house in a tough real estate market, let alone selling two. If we did buy a new place, our property taxes would have quadrupled. And finally, Paul was really attached to the house, having put a lot of sweat equity into it. We figured with the sale of my house, we could afford to remodel his  and make it our own. And we did. We added a new master bedroom and bath, a huge great room complete with a movie screen wall and wet bar, an art studio on the back of the property, a covered car port with a game room, remodeled the kitchen and repainted and refurnished the entire house.

Despite all of these accommodations the kids were often at odds with their new living environment. My kids missed their friends from the old neighborhood, even though they still saw them at school. (We only moved five minutes away, but it wasn’t the same.) And for the longest time they felt like they were guests in someone else’s house. Paul’s kids felt displaced and intruded upon especially since I brought a whole different parenting style with new rules and supervision they were not used to. My constant rearrangement of the kitchen cabinets was a sore point for just about everyone.  I was beginning to think that the kids were scarred for life and would never forgive us for the emotional trauma we had put them through until… we got our really cool L.A. pad. Read the rest of this entry »

What do you think this post is going to be about? Teaching your kids the danger of talking to strangers? Looking both ways before you cross the street? Not eating foods after the expiration date? Nope. It’s about farting. That’s right. Farting. More significantly, it is  about family bonding and is the first in a series of posts, albeit silly, that will fall under the category: The Ties That Bond a Family. Read the rest of this entry »

Yesterday was the American Cancer Society’s  Relay for Life. I was on a team with my Jazzercise buddies. Abbi Hartsell, who is the instructor and owner of  the Jazzercise franchise I attend, was our team leader. She is shown here demonstrating Jazzercise moves during the event.

Together our team  raised OVER $5,000!!!! and were the second place team in over all donations. It was really a lot of fun and somewhat emotional for me. I couldn’t help but think of my best friend Cindy who was taken  so young and robbed of seeing her then 10-year old daughter grow up. Sophia, who is Cindy’s daughter’s age,  walked with me for company. There were luminaries set up all around the track in remembrance of loved ones who succumbed to cancer. It was very moving and created a spirit of unity throughout the day.

My friend Kathryn, whom I met through Cindy, was also there. Her 12-year old twin sons performed with their rock band, Rapid Fire. They were very close with Cindy, which made their performance that much more poignant.

It is never too late to make a contribution. It’s easy. Click here to go to my Relay for Life homepage and click donate. Thank you to all my wonderful readers who made contributions. I walked for all your special intentions.

I made this recipe for my vegetarian daughters and my carnivorous sons loved it too.  It has a robust flavor that satisfies a hearty appetite. Read the rest of this entry »

When I take the kids back east in August,  we will spend three days and two nights in New York City. We will see two Broadway shows: Billy Elliott and Hair. Everyone, myself included, is really looking forward to that. We’ll go to SOHO to eat at the country’s oldest pizza parlor,  which still bakes pizzas in their original ovens  that date back to 1906.  And we’ll go to the Metropolitan Museum of Artto check out the King Tut exhibit. The one place though, that  I really can’t wait to take the kids to see is a restaurant I used to work in called Phoebe’s. At the risk of sounding like a politician trying to drum up votes, let me tell you about my hard scrabble youth. Read the rest of this entry »

I corresponded via email this morning with one of my readers. I will call her “A”.  Like us, she and her husband have  a blended family of five kids. She very sweetly told me that my blog offers her ”blended mommy fresh air.” We also exchanged our thoughts  about the general challenges and obstacles facing second marriages with kids and the strong commitment it takes to make it work.

What I didn’t write at the time because it is the BIG FAT WHITE ELEPHANT in the room and we all know it, is that second marriages have a much higher divorce rate than first marriages. The odds are stacked against us so why say it? I never talk about this dirty secret because I don’t want to give it power, but I do think about it.

Afterward, I sat down to drink my tea and read the paper and opened it  to an article I was following about a local citizen, our county supervisor Mark Stone, who succeeded in fulfilling his dream of  SWIMMING ACROSS THE ENGLISH CHANNEL! He did it in 13 hours. The success rate of navigating across the channel’s jelly fish invested, cold, murky, dark, stormy waters is a measly 10 percent. What timing. Talk about an inspiring, “feel good” story. What does he win? He gets to write his name on a wall in a pub next to all the others who have crossed the channel before him. And of course– bragging rights forever.

Mark Stone’s story is a testament to overcoming adversity, setting a goal and sticking to it, facing up to a challenge, following a dream and NEVER GIVING UP.  There’s hope and inspiration for all of us.