Yesterday I wrote about my feelings about Sam graduating from high school. I was surprised by what I wrote because it was not what I set out to write. I wanted to share with you the events at the graduation and party afterward because a lot could have gone wrong considering the circumstances and our blended family dynamic.

We decided a month ago that we would have Sam’s party at our house. I told Susie, Paul’s ex that we would host the party and she told me she would bring the cake and drinks and that her boyfriend would attend the party along with her parents. HER PARENTS??? HER PARENTS???? I was surprised that they were attending because in the four years that I have known Paul I have never met them. They only live a four hour drive away, but they rarely visit. In fact Paul said that in the 12 years he was married to Susie, they only visited twice. Paul has always had a strained relationship with them and  has not seen or had any contact with his ex in-laws in over five years, since his divorce from Susie.

Well, what to expect. I have to admit I was dying of curiosity. Paul is a gentleman on every level so I knew there would be no fireworks from him. He would be civil and gracious and avoid conflict at all costs. But what about the grand parents? How would they behave? I was a tad nervous. I didn’t want anything to spoil Sam’s day and I was determined to be sure that he had the best graduation party ever. So I decided that I would pretend that I had no inside story or preconceived notions about Susie’s parents and I treated them just like I would any other guests in my home.

We met them  in the parking lot where the graduation was to take place. I could see the look on Susie’s mom’s face when she saw Paul. It was definitely strained. She greeted Paul with a handshake and said a terse “hello” to me. Once we got our seats on the bleachers (we sat at opposite ends) there was no interaction. I knew that it wasn’t until we got back to the house that we would see how the evening was going  to play out.

I was in the kitchen when they arrived. Now keep in mind, our house used to be Paul and Susie’s house.  We’ve remodeled it extensively so it looks a lot different, but still, to them it was once the home of their daughter. It must have been difficult for them. They came through the portico door and I went over to greet them. I said, “Thank you so much for coming. Welcome to our home.”  I think that warm gesture broke the ice and set the tone for the evening. Susie’s mom asked if she could help in the kitchen so I gave her some jobs to do. The act of all of us preparing the meal together really relaxed everyone.   I asked her about her teaching career.  I told her how much I loved her grandchildren and how grateful I was to have them in my life. We looked through the kids’ yearbooks.  I showed her the treasure box and checker board Mark made in wood shop. I gave her a bottle of my friend Les’ olive oil. Later,  we sat outside by the fire and drank a champagne toast to Sam.

When it was time for them to leave, Susie’s mom threw her arms around me. I looked her in the eyes and said to her, “I know this must not have been easy for you.” She replied, ” You made it easy.”