Comments on: WHAT BEING A STEP CHILD IS LIKE http://www.shwanda.com/2009/03/what-being-a-step-child-is-like/ A Diary of a Blended Family -- How one couple took a second chance on love and blended five children, four cats, three dogs, two fish and a bird. Fri, 16 Jul 2010 22:45:09 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Carol http://www.shwanda.com/2009/03/what-being-a-step-child-is-like/comment-page-1/#comment-201 Carol Tue, 26 May 2009 23:42:15 +0000 http://www.shwanda.com/?p=585#comment-201 I'm so sorry that you are having such a difficult time with your step children. You do not say why they resent you so much. What is their relationship like with their father? Does he support you or does he side with the kids? The guilt complex is very common in many blended families. I hope things improve for you. Thanks for writing. I’m so sorry that you are having such a difficult time with your step children. You do not say why they resent you so much. What is their relationship like with their father? Does he support you or does he side with the kids? The guilt complex is very common in many blended families. I hope things improve for you. Thanks for writing.

]]> By: Luna http://www.shwanda.com/2009/03/what-being-a-step-child-is-like/comment-page-1/#comment-200 Luna Tue, 26 May 2009 18:38:01 +0000 http://www.shwanda.com/?p=585#comment-200 It's almost impossible to be a "stepparent" when you are the same age as your "stepchildren" and they don't even want to talk to you or acknowledge you. Thank G-d they don't live with us! I do think it would be fun to try to "be family" with them if they were open to it, but I can't make them feel the same way. Thanks for giving me an opportunity to vent my frustation! It’s almost impossible to be a “stepparent” when you are the same age as your “stepchildren” and they don’t even want to talk to you or acknowledge you. Thank G-d they don’t live with us!

I do think it would be fun to try to “be family” with them if they were open to it, but I can’t make them feel the same way.

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to vent my frustation!

]]> By: Carol http://www.shwanda.com/2009/03/what-being-a-step-child-is-like/comment-page-1/#comment-107 Carol Mon, 13 Apr 2009 23:32:25 +0000 http://www.shwanda.com/?p=585#comment-107 Virgina, Thanks for writing. You did not mention the ages of your son and stepchildren nor did you say how your husband feels and deals with the situation. I've had my share of problems with my stepkids resenting me for real and imagined reasons which always made me sad and angry. The one thing I could always count on was my husband's support, even though it is very natural to side with your own children. A lot also depends on at what age you came into their lives. Were they young enough for you to still have some influence over them? I am not a therapist, but I have heard of a syndrome of misplaced aggression. Their mom is gone and you are unfortunately their target. You are the only person they can take out their anger and frustrations on. At this point, the best you can hope for is neutrality. It sounds like you have done all you can. You need to protect your son and yourself. Continue therapy and know that you are not alone. Concentrate on the things you have control over. Please write again. Keep me updated. Carol Virgina,

Thanks for writing. You did not mention the ages of your son and stepchildren nor did you say how your husband feels and deals with the situation. I’ve had my share of problems with my stepkids resenting me for real and imagined reasons which always made me sad and angry. The one thing I could always count on was my husband’s support, even though it is very natural to side with your own children. A lot also depends on at what age you came into their lives. Were they young enough for you to still have some influence over them? I am not a therapist, but I have heard of a syndrome of misplaced aggression. Their mom is gone and you are unfortunately their target. You are the only person they can take out their anger and frustrations on. At this point, the best you can hope for is neutrality. It sounds like you have done all you can. You need to protect your son and yourself. Continue therapy and know that you are not alone. Concentrate on the things you have control over. Please write again. Keep me updated.

Carol

]]> By: Virginia Parker http://www.shwanda.com/2009/03/what-being-a-step-child-is-like/comment-page-1/#comment-106 Virginia Parker Mon, 13 Apr 2009 21:28:28 +0000 http://www.shwanda.com/?p=585#comment-106 I have had the most painful relationship with my stepchildren. They have not felt like they could accept me even though their mother left their father. They have been passive aggressive and hostile towards me and I have really tried to love them unconditionally, knowing that it was difficult for them. It has been heart breaking and frustrating and I have felt like a scapegoat and very alone. In addition, I have resented their influence on my only son who moved to their town and did not know anyone and felt like they were his only friends. They insisted that he act a certain way in order to be accepted by them & they taught him to feel like I was the bad person in the family. I finally separated the kids when we moved 4 hours away. Now we spend holidays a part and it doesn't feel like we're a family at all. Btw I've talked to several family therapists about the situation and was advised to separate for the holidays. I have had the most painful relationship with my stepchildren. They have not felt like they could accept me even though their mother left their father. They have been passive aggressive and hostile towards me and I have really tried to love them unconditionally, knowing that it was difficult for them. It has been heart breaking and frustrating and I have felt like a scapegoat and very alone. In addition, I have resented their influence on my only son who moved to their town and did not know anyone and felt like they were his only friends. They insisted that he act a certain way in order to be accepted by them & they taught him to feel like I was the bad person in the family. I finally separated the kids when we moved 4 hours away. Now we spend holidays a part and it doesn’t feel like we’re a family at all. Btw I’ve talked to several family therapists about the situation and was advised to separate for the holidays.

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