shwanda

Sophia and I were driving in the car yesterday when we passed an empty lot where a naked guy was walking around aimlessly holding a cardboard box. At first we weren’t sure. We saw him from behind. He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt that barely covered his bum and that was all. Sophia asked, “Is that guy naked?” With that he turned around. His shirt was open and just below, there it was, for the whole world to see– a very obvious naked penis dangling in the breeze. I don’t know about you, but I have always found the male genitalia to be a bit goofy looking. Kind of like a sausage squished between two dinner rolls. What an inconvenience it must be to have it just hanging there. You have to tuck it into pants and men always seem to be adjusting it. Not for me.

Sophia is 15 and I do not think she has ever seen a naked man before other than her father when she was very young. She was a bit embarrassed. We were incredulous because it is not everyday that you see a naked guy walking around town. I called the police to tell them. The dispatcher asked me a lot of unusual, and I believe, unnecessary questions like, “What is his race? What kind of shirt? What color hair did he have? Any facial hair? Body size? Medium? Large boned? Heavy set?” I told her, “The police should recognize him immediately because he’s the only person standing in an  empty lot and HE’S NAKED, YOU CAN’T MISS HIM.”  Sophia was able to give the dispatcher all the details like “silver hair, goatee, flannel button down shirt, medium build. ” I could not. I was too preoccupied staring at his PENIS. I couldn’t stop myself. It was like driving by a car wreck. You know you shouldn’t look, but you just can’t help yourself.

When we arrived home,  Mark and Sam were in the kitchen making hot dogs. Guess where I am going with this story. We were out of hot dog buns so I told Mark to put his wiener on a hamburger bun. It didn’t really fit and was hanging over the sides, kind of flapping over the edges.

Sophia said, “Mom, did you tell them about the naked guy?”

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot. We were driving by that vacant lot and we saw a naked guy, ” I informed them.

Sam asked incredulously, ” Naked? Really naked?”

“Oh yes, there was no mistaking it. I still can’t get that image out of my mind. There it was for everyone to see, that very obvious and unmistakable penis and scrotum bared for the world to see,” I barely choked the words out I was laughing so hard.

“Please stop, I’m eating a hot dog.” Mark implored as he bit into his overstuffed hamburger bun with hot dog bursting over the sides.

All four of us had a good, long belly laugh. I thought later how relaxed and comfortable Sophia and the boys were making jokes about the naked guy. First of all, they all have a great sense of humor. They’d have to to live in this family. Sam recognized that Sophia was a little self-conscious about it and was less inclined to make the joke. Mark, on the other hand, showed no mercy. Sophia overcame her embarrassment and laughed along with us. Once more, I could see the benefit of my girls having brothers. They provide them with a safe haven to make jokes about something like this without any concern of it being misinterpreted or misconstrued.