shwanda

It is getting late and I am sick with a miserable sore throat, but tomorrow is December 1st so I have spent the evening  busily  making advent calendars for Sam, Mark and Cheryl. I have always had a tradition with my girls starting on December 1st that they  would each open a small gift every day leading up to Christmas. A few years ago, a very dear friend of mine who lives in Germany, made Sophia and Eva embroidered cloth calendars with little rings sewn on each day of the month. A gift is tied to each of the rings as is the tradition in Germany. They are absolutely adorable and such treasures. Setting them out every year marked the beginning of the Christmas season with all the excitement and anticipation that goes with it.   I wanted to continue this tradition my first Christmas married to Paul, but I did not want my stepchildren to feel left out. By chance, Paul happened to travel to Germany on business a few weeks before our first Christmas together. I asked him to look out for similar calendars for his kids but he only found cardboard ones. You couldn’t hang the gifts from them so instead I wrapped and numbered the presents and, bless their hearts, they were thrilled to open the gifts since this tradition was new to them. Still, Sophia’s and Eva’s calendars are so much more elegant and I have always felt conflicted about it. Call it stepmother guilt. I did not want to take this tradition away from my children and yet I did not want my stepchildren to feel like, well, “stepchildren.” So I decided to make them my own version of  homemade, keepsake advent calendars.

I took Sophia with me to the craft store on Friday and she helped me pick out wide velvet ribbons. I also got small 1-inch wide plastic rings. I cut each ribbon (we choose three different kinds) into five foot lengths. I sewed 24 rings about three inches apart  down the front of each of the ribbons. When I was finished I figured I needed to hang it from something so I used chopsticks I found at the bottom of my utensil drawer. (I’m really great with improvising. Ask me about the time I made a wholly mammoth costume on short notice out of the dog bed.) I tied thin ribbon on the end of the chopsticks to act as a hanger and the “calendars” are now hanging on the walls in our great room for Sam, Mark and Cheryl to see tomorrow morning when they get back from their mom’s. They don’t compare to Sophia and Eva’s  embroidered ones, but these were made from the heart and I know they will appreciate the thought and effort that went into making them. I can’t wait to see their faces tomorrow.

Sophia and I were driving in the car yesterday when we passed an empty lot where a naked guy was walking around aimlessly holding a cardboard box. At first we weren’t sure. We saw him from behind. He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt that barely covered his bum and that was all. Sophia asked, “Is that guy naked?” With that he turned around. His shirt was open and just below, there it was, for the whole world to see– a very obvious naked penis dangling in the breeze. I don’t know about you, but I have always found the male genitalia to be a bit goofy looking. Kind of like a sausage squished between two dinner rolls. What an inconvenience it must be to have it just hanging there. You have to tuck it into pants and men always seem to be adjusting it. Not for me.

Sophia is 15 and I do not think she has ever seen a naked man before other than her father when she was very young. She was a bit embarrassed. We were incredulous because it is not everyday that you see a naked guy walking around town. I called the police to tell them. The dispatcher asked me a lot of unusual, and I believe, unnecessary questions like, “What is his race? What kind of shirt? What color hair did he have? Any facial hair? Body size? Medium? Large boned? Heavy set?” I told her, “The police should recognize him immediately because he’s the only person standing in an  empty lot and HE’S NAKED, YOU CAN’T MISS HIM.”  Sophia was able to give the dispatcher all the details like “silver hair, goatee, flannel button down shirt, medium build. ” I could not. I was too preoccupied staring at his PENIS. I couldn’t stop myself. It was like driving by a car wreck. You know you shouldn’t look, but you just can’t help yourself.

When we arrived home,  Mark and Sam were in the kitchen making hot dogs. Guess where I am going with this story. We were out of hot dog buns so I told Mark to put his wiener on a hamburger bun. It didn’t really fit and was hanging over the sides, kind of flapping over the edges.

Sophia said, “Mom, did you tell them about the naked guy?”

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot. We were driving by that vacant lot and we saw a naked guy, ” I informed them.

Sam asked incredulously, ” Naked? Really naked?”

“Oh yes, there was no mistaking it. I still can’t get that image out of my mind. There it was for everyone to see, that very obvious and unmistakable penis and scrotum bared for the world to see,” I barely choked the words out I was laughing so hard.

“Please stop, I’m eating a hot dog.” Mark implored as he bit into his overstuffed hamburger bun with hot dog bursting over the sides.

All four of us had a good, long belly laugh. I thought later how relaxed and comfortable Sophia and the boys were making jokes about the naked guy. First of all, they all have a great sense of humor. They’d have to to live in this family. Sam recognized that Sophia was a little self-conscious about it and was less inclined to make the joke. Mark, on the other hand, showed no mercy. Sophia overcame her embarrassment and laughed along with us. Once more, I could see the benefit of my girls having brothers. They provide them with a safe haven to make jokes about something like this without any concern of it being misinterpreted or misconstrued.

Yesterday was the last day for soccer. Yeah! What a relief. I am happy the girls play and support their decison to do so, but it is really hard on the dinner hour to get both girls, Cheryl and Eva, to their practices since they have to be at two different fields at the same time. In addition to that, Sophia had water polo until last week which meant I had three kids to juggle and make dinner. Now that it is getting darker earlier, I really like to be home. Early evening is a really a pleasant time in our house. Our kitchen is centrally located so when I am preparing dinner I get to watch or hear the kids in the study or their rooms. Last night when Cheryl and Eva got home after soccer practice they performed their usual ritual. Eva took a shower while Cheryl got out the IHome and they sang in the bathroom together. It was delightful. I don’t know if they knew I could hear them so I didn’t say anything. I told Paul when he got home and we both marveled at the fact that these two girls who once hated each other when they met three years ago are now the  best of friends and do everything together. We are so fortunate. I can’t believe we have come this far.

Sunday is Cheryl’s 11th birthday and it is her weekend to be with her mom and my kids will be with their dad. She told me yesterday that she wanted to spend the day bowling with her siblings. I told her I thought that could be arranged and that my girls could meet up with her at the bowling alley. She told me today that she wanted me to take her bowling instead of  her mother. I asked her why and she because I would buy pizza and soda and her mother wouldn’t. I explained to her that perhaps the cost of bowling would be a financial hardship for her mother who is single with one income and that I was planning to contribute to the cost so her mother would not have to bear the burden herself. I then suggested that we all go together and Cheryl was happy with that idea. Now I have to talk to her mother and arrange it.

Today was a big deal in our blended household. We are finally unpacked!!! For the last two years we have been looking for things that I was almost ready to give up on. For the umpteenth time,  Paul and the boys (my heros) went out into the storage room with flashlights and didn’t come out until they found a box marked “kitchen bakeware”.    It was wedged between the snow gear and the Christmas decorations. Cookie sheets, bundt pans, muffin tins and rolling pins were all in that box. I didn’t want to go buy anymore because I knew I had them somewhere.  My girls also went through boxes that were marked from their bedrooms. Not surprisingly they got rid of mostly everything that was in them. We found our quarter collection. Yeah! And some half-melted candles. Why did I pack that stuff? We lived without a lot of stuff for two years and we survived. Except I really missed my bakeware.

Another significant turning point  was Sophia’s decision to give up her purple bookcase. Of all the kids, she had the hardest time adapting to the move. She kept that bookcase even though it didn’t fit in her new room because it reminded her of her old room. Today, out of the blue, she told me, “Mom, this bookcase doesn’t go with my room. I want to get rid of it.” I said, “OK.”  We emptied it (giving a lot of stuff to Goodwill) and  put in out on the front curb with a sign that said, “FREE”. Time heals and eveyone adapts to change eventually.  

In other news, yesterday was soccer day. All three girls had games. My two, Sophia and Eva, had back-to-back games in the morning at 9:00 and at 10:30 at the same field. Cheryl, Paul’s daughter, had a game at 1:30 at a different field. I am mentioning this because I want to comment on the differences between the kind of relationship I have with my ex-husband, an easy going, kind-hearted, happy man and Paul’s relationship with his ex-wife who often seems uncomfortable around us.  My ex met me at the soccer field  and we sat together and had nice conversation about the recent election, books we’re reading, our jobs etc. After the games were over, we all went out for bagels at our usual spot. It was always our routine, before and after our divorce, to take the girls to the bagel store.

Later, Eva and Sophia said they wanted to go to Cheryl’s game so we drove over to her game and met up with Paul who was sitting with a group of other parents from Cheryl’s team. About a half-hour into the game, Paul’s ex showed up. I saw her and said “hello”. She mumbled “hello” back and walked to the opposite end of the field where she sat alone for the rest of the game. When the game was over she hung in the background waiting for Cheryl to come off the field, hugged her goodbye and left, never saying anything to Paul or me or the other parents we were sitting with. She deliberately and purposefully alienated and excluded herself. She was more than welcome to join us and could have had fun being a part of our cheering section, but instead she chose to sit alone.  I guess that is her choice, but I wonder if she realized the  unnecessary tension that created for Cheryl. 

On that note, I am off to make banana muffins with my newly found muffin tins!!